Love, Loss and Hard Decisions

There are days when I long for the oblivion of childhood. Back then, I wasn't aware of the emotional torment that comes with a sick pet nearing the end of their life. I wasn't aware of the struggle that went on in my parents' brains about when to actually make the choice to have a dog/cat put to sleep. We didn't have a lot of pets growing up, but there were a couple here and there. I remember being told that animals had run away or something like that. There was one cat that my dad detested that I think I remember him saying that he shot him. I can't really see my dad shooting a cat, so I still don't know how much I believe of that particular story. Maybe I should ask him. (I just talked to him, and he did actually shoot that cat. With a .22.) With the torment of watching a beloved pet get old and sick also comes the struggle of what to tell the children.
  A couple of weeks ago, something happened to our sweet dog Pugsley. Sometime in between Christmas and the New Year, we think that Pugsley slipped on our back stairs and injured her neck.A few days after Christmas she stopped using her left front leg. She was also walking a little funny with her head tilted to the left. We assumed it was her leg and when she didn't start using it after a few days, we took her to the vet who discovered it was her neck that was actually hurt. He put her on some anti-inflammatory to see if that would help. She started using her leg again, but something wasn't right. So, last week the vet took some xrays of her spine and neck to see if he could see what the problem was. He couldn't see anything that would be causing this type of behavior and we left with some pain pills that work with the body chemically to see if we could somehow adjust her pain threshold. By Monday morning, it became apparent that Pugs couldn't feel her front legs which we kind of attributed to her pain meds possibly making her a little sedate and groggy. We stopped giving her the medication on Tuesday to see if that would help her ability to walk. By Wednesday, she couldn't even stand up. I took her into the vet this morning, and she can't feel anything below her neck. The vet said she most likely suffered either a blood or cartilage clot, a ruptured disc, or a pinched spinal cord. All of these worked like cutting the blood supply off and the spine basically died. Pugsley isn't going to get better. So, we are going to put her down.
  Now the question of what to tell the kids. I believe that honesty is the best policy. We are going to tell them what is going on, and will probably bring them with us when we go to drop her off at the vet. (Post-edit: I originally wrote this post before we took Pugsley in, but after I had been to the vet for the final diagnosis. I am posting it after. So, Damon decided that he wanted to be there when they put Pugsley down so that she wouldn't be scared. I wanted to be there both for my dog and my husband. So the kids stayed with a sitter, and Damon and I went in with Pugsley and stayed while they put her down. I can say this: It was awful. I watched the light go out of her eyes. And it is so hard to see a newly deceased loved one and not automatically watch for them to move or show other signs of life. Also, no matter how much pain they were in and how much they struggled; my heart always screams for one more moment with them after they are gone.)
  We got Pugsley the September after we got married, so she has been with us for over 12 years. She has moved from Cedar to Augusta, GA, from Augusta to Martinez, GA, from Martinez to Las Vegas, and from Las Vegas to our current home in Lehi with us. Despite having been with us for that long, she never really got over her separation anxiety that caused her to bark obsessively, scratch at whatever door we had exited, and poop in her kennel/in the house while we were gone. Having a second dog has helped with that. She is an extremely smart dog that I often felt could understand what I was saying to her. She responded well to commands that we taught her, but like the dog in Up lost focus when he saw a squirrel, she lost all focus when there was a cat around. And, man, could she run. She has been super with all of my kids through their toddler phases of pulling ears and tails. Never once has she even nipped at my kids. If she was bothered, she would calmly get up and walk away. I will miss her weird little bark and the totally adorable way that her tail didn't really wag- it quivered. I may even get to the point someday where I miss her barking at the neighbors' dogs like she wants to tear their heads off and practically eating her way through our wooden fence. Pugsley, we will miss every last part of you and if you happen to bump into her in heaven, give Grandma Johanson a big kiss for us. Rest in peace sweet girl.

Pugsley Johanson

7/11/2000-1/17/2013